We all have a story, a past. One that shapes us into the people we are today. Each one of us bears the marks of an event or a series of events that are etched on our phsyche. These dictate our reaction to situations, people and to some extent our decisions. What happens when you are no longer a part of those events, when life has “changed” for the better? Do you still continue reacting in the same way as you did before? Sure, the habits have been formed and it becomes very comfortable to fall back to old ways. Troubles begin when you begin to question all that you have now and react to it in the same way as you did before.
Picture this, something happened to make you distrustful of all that comes your way. Everything or everyone you had before would eventually go away or abandon you. These situations may have happened so many times that your mind is automatically programmed to expect it to happen. You start pushing people away, behave in a manner that is totally uncalled for. In a way, you are looking for reasons for them to leave or abandon you, when that is far from the reality! Such regressive behaviour only brings anguish to all those involved, insecurity to the person and a whole lot of issues that begin as petty but escalate to monstrosities.
What is needed is to identify the positives from what you were before and use it to make something better with your life. Had very little as a kid? Good, use that drive to work hard and turn your life around. Were you stubborn because you had to take care of your interests? Use that behaviour to chase your passions, mercilessly, without losing focus. Do NOT let these feelings come into your now in their original form, they will only spell doom, mayhem and chaos.
Instead of questioning all that you have, be grateful. Gratitude is one important step to find inner peace. Count your blessings. Do that every single day. It could be the best friend who has found his or her way in your life, the pet whose silly antics are a source of joy to you or quite simply, the fact that you are healthy and alive, when at this very moment there are countless on earth fighting for a chance at survival. Unless you do not purge yourself of the habits of the old, unless those patterns are not broken, you will be bitter and resentful for no reason in particular. Such behaviour is very toxic for mental wellbeing, almost to the point of being fatal for one’s sanity. Because people in your life will come and go, they may get a little distant, die or simply move on; at the end of the day, you will be left to live with yourself. And a mind that has so much of chaos, so much of noise buzzing in it, is no picnic to be with.
If at all you find yourself falling in this toxic, regressive pattern or if someone who loves you dearly calls you out on it, do yourself a favour by not denying it. Stop thinking about all those who wronged you, hurt you, abandoned you; do not let them occupy your mind. Especially, when they do not think about you as much as you do about them. Let it all go. Have some sort of a flip or some way through which you snap out of those thoughts.
Lastly, accept those who love you today as blessings and cherish them as just that. See them as a bonus, one that life has bestowed upon you and be gratuitous for the bounty you receive. Free your mind of the things, memories or thoughts that disturb your peace, just as someone very close to me quite recently said:
“Keep only that which lights you up. Not what dims you down”