Of Changes and Battles

Change, the clichéd constant in life. What’s most fascinating about this oxymoron is that you live it, without realising its existence. You go from one day to the next until something massive happens. Big enough that it smacks the living daylights out of you and forces you to slow a teensy bit. That’s when you take stock of all that’s been happening, you realise that things are a little different than what you are used to. Used to; funny word actually. The pattern that you were so accustomed to, up until this point came into existence because something, somewhere in the general scheme of things got altered!

Getting accustomed to all this newness is certainly not easy. Shifting to a new city, adjusting in a new job, becoming accustomed to the absence of someone you really loved… all these things can shake your very foundations. Since you’re left with no choice, you go ahead with it all. Reluctantly. It’s almost like graduating from training wheels when learning to ride your bike. At first, it is downright scary, the path ahead is all wobbly, shaky. You swerve a little here, some more there and in the midst of it all, there comes that one moment where you’re riding perfectly. But whoops! Before you know it, you’re everywhere. At this juncture, there are two possibilities. You will either loose balance and fall or you somehow manage to ride on, slowly steadying yourself till you can let go of that breath you have been holding. Recovering after the fall isn’t easy. You need to dust yourself and try again.

There are going to be moments when you feel completely lost. All alone, even in a crowd or a room full of people who love you for what you are. Isolation becomes more than just something you are going through; it becomes a state in which you begin to exist. And it’s weird as hell, really! You wish to reach out, but you won’t. It isn’t that you can’t, you simply choose not to. Why? Because you are too tired, exhausted of having to explain to someone why you are feeling the way you are, what is it that’s eating away at your sanity, sleep and smiles. Deep down you know they really do care but in that little moment, that concern appears clawing, stifling even. So you hide behind a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes, make jokes that are as funny as a morose librarian. All because you simply wish keep it all in, take a deep breath and decide to simply wait it out. Brave it all up and for once fight this battle all on your own and be your own saviour.

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